


Stand Back, I'm Going to Try Science!

by lilsmartass



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bad Science, Friendship, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 13:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilsmartass/pseuds/lilsmartass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony thinks he can cure Bruce’s little green problem, but can he? For this prompt at the avengerskinkmeme: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/7293.html?page=63#comments</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stand Back, I'm Going to Try Science!

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: PG-13  
> Disclaimer: I own the Avengers. I totally do. I’m definitely not lying. You believe me right?   
> Warning/Spoilers: A little profanity, animal testing but not meant in a serious way   
> Genre: friendship, family, humour,

**Stand back, I’m Going to Try Science**

Bruce was sitting at his desk tapping away at the keyboard. Tony wrinkled his nose in disgust every time he set eyes on it, but that Bruce loved. It made him feel closer to his work, and yes, he was aware of how that sounded thanks. He was chatting away to Pepper since she had kindly brought down some coffee and was providing a pleasant distraction since he wasn’t getting anywhere with this latest set of equations. Tuned into him as he was, Pepper heard Tony on the stairs first. Her head turned in to face the door, and Bruce followed her movement.

Tony burst in, door cracking off the door behind him and slamming shut with a boom. His footsteps echoed across the lab. His smile was even louder. Tony created almost audible energy even when he was silent and right now excitement was crackling off of him, creating a static aura of glee around him. “Bruce! I’ve solved it!” This could reply to any of a number of problems Tony had been working on, but Bruce didn’t have to question it. Tony was already talking. “Your little- well big green problem. I’ve figured it out, I’ve solved it. We can get rid of the hulk!” He threw out his hand, a vibrant green post it stuck to one finger. Bruce barely managed to dodge the flying fist, but snagged the note, eyes roving over the all-but-illegible science scrawl.

He looked up, eyes meeting Tony’s and flashing with a fire that was rarely seen without an accompanying splash of green. “Will it work Tony?”

Tony’s smile, if possible, became wider. It threatened to split his face clean in half. “Of course it’ll work. I’m Tony _fucking_ Stark, when I invent something it damn well works. Come on, I’ve got everything set up in my lab.” He grabbed Bruce by the wrist and tugged him clean out of his seat. Not that Bruce needed much urging. He almost tripped over himself in his haste to follow Tony, hand coming up to straighten his glasses as he stumbled.

Tony dragged him through the connecting door into his own lab, and releasing him just long enough to hold the door for Pepper who was trailing behind in a gesture of unthinking thoughtfulness that characterised him when he forgot to maintain his asshole image. By the time he turned, Bruce was already standing in front of what looked to be half of a huge chest freezer wired up with various red and blue pieces of cable. Bruce walked up to it, touching and inspecting the various pieces of wire before stepping into the portion of the module large enough to contain him. “So what do I do? Just stand here?”

Tony beamed. “Just stand there,” he confirmed. “And I throw this switch, and we say goodbye to the other guy.”

“Wait,” said Pepper, and though she didn’t do anything as drastic as raise her voice, her tone was commanding enough that Tony froze, fingers clenched around the lever.

“What?” he asked, pouting, a child stopped mid video game.

Pepper gave a very restrained sigh. “Tony, you invented this this afternoon, you built it out of spare parts. Don’t you think you should _test_ it first?”

“Actually, she has a-”

“Oh ye of little faith. Pepper, I built my first ARC reactor out of _spare parts_ in a _cave_ and that worked didn’t it?”

“Yes, but...”

“And my first suit!”

“Yes, but...”

“And remember that Robot Bomb Deployment Squad I built while I finished my doctorate.”

“Yes, but...”

“And you,” he rounded on Bruce, “Have you ever known me to build anything, _anything_ which didn’t work?”

“Well...no,” the other scientist admitted.

Realising she was fighting a losing battle, Pepper put a slender, but surprisingly strong hand on his arm. “Please Tony, it will make me feel better, just test it on something.”

“Well I can-”

“Something not human Tony,” her steely tone relaxed a little, “Please, for me?”

“Miss Potts, are you offering me sexual favours for testing my new device on a rat?”

“I’m telling you I won’t withhold sexual favours for being a dick.”

Tony hesitated and sighed in a put upon way. “Fine. _Fine!_ Bruce, come and stand here, we have to satisfy _mom_ that our machine isn’t dangerous.”Bruce cast a sympathetic smile in Pepper’s direction, clearly commiserating with her on putting up with Tony’s moods (an expression Tony completely missed since he too was glaring at Pepper out of the corner of his eye), and moved to stand by the control panel as Tony grabbed one of the pre-irradiated laboratory mice which they kept around for testing their theories on and thrust it into the module. “Ready?” he asked, and flicked the switch, not waiting for an answer.

There was a flash of red light, and then silence. Tony smirked and turned to Pepper. “See, totally-”

There was a crunching sound and an agonised scream of mousey pain, “Uh, Tony?” said Bruce.

The mouse was twitching and flailing, and for a second Tony thought it was convulsing, the radiation too much for its tiny heart. Then with another shriek, it became obvious it was changing. Its limbs twisted, becoming bulbous and grotesque and scarlet. It was as large as a rabbit by the time it stopped growing and turned to look at them with baleful yellow eyes. Both Pepper and Bruce were staring at Tony who looked slowly and disbelievingly between the mouse- _thing_ , his hand written notations, and the machine. “Uh...disregard this. I’ve scienced poorly.”

Bruce simply snorted and Pepper shook her head, stalking out of the lab and muttering things under her breath that Tony knew he’d be better off not asking her to repeat. “Is it off?” Bruce asked casually, waiting for Tony’s nod before he walked back up to the machine, ignoring the thing, still stationary and scarlet and seemingly furious in the bottom of it and re-examining the haphazard wiring forming a spider at the top. “This looks like half a freezer,” he commented mildly.

“It is,” Tony answered sullenly, scribbling on a piece of paper, trying to find his error.

“So...where’s the rest of the freezer?”

At that moment there was a screech from the floor above them. “TONY!”

“Uh, I think Steve just found it...”

  

 

 


End file.
